Hilarious Exercise Quotes

Regular exercise keeps you healthy but lazy people don't favor it. So they give lots of illogical but funny excuses to avoid that hard work. So here are hilarious exercise quotes to have lots of giggle together.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
~ Robert M. Hutchins

I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

Exercise is the yuppie version of bulimia.
~ Barbara Ehrenreich



I Exercise - run my mouth, push my luck, and jump to conclusions.

Why don't you Put some fun between your legs by exercising?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
- Marsha Doble

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don�t need it: if you are sick you should not take it.

I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
~ Neil Armstrong

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick you should not take it.
- Henry Ford

Does this shirt makes me look thin?

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
~ Phyllis Diller

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
- Mark Twain

Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.
- Cher

Exercise is done against one's wishes and maintained only because the alternative is worse.
~ George Sheehan

SKINNY PEOPLE TICK ME OFF!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
- SIOUXSIE Q

Exercise? More like extra fries.

It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs.

Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out.
- Norman Mailer

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Facetious Neighbors Sayings

'The facetious quotations about Neighbors to give you another chance of making fun of them.'



A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.
- Arthur Baer

Serivce may vary according to my mood and your attitude.

Love thy neighbour - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Hate your next-door neighbor, but don't forget to say grace.
- Barry McGuire

If you think your bundle of dirty clothes too heavy, try picking up your neighbor's.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
- Gilbert K Chesterton

Sweep first before your own door, before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors
- Swedish Proverb

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say.
- Cyril Connolly

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbor.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.
- Billy Wilder

If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.
- Pietro Aretino

The dearest things in the world are our neighbor's eyes; they cost everybody more than anything else in housekeeping.
- Sydney Smith

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
- Franklin P. Jones

Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.
- Dave Barry

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

A bad neighbor is a misfortune, as much as a good one is a great blessing.
- Hesiod

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Funny Short One Liner Jokes/Quotes

'Sometimes one right line is good enough to break the ice. Here presenting those great short one liner funny jokes and quotes to let you have best time ever.'

What do you call a bunch of liberals in a basement? A whine cellar.

What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.
- Jimi Hendrix

You cannot play with me unless you blow me. I am Balloon!

I have a friend named Kay. We call him K for short.

Wanna hear a joke? women's rights.

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

I can handle pain until it hurts.

The shortest horror story: The last person on earth sat in a room. There was a knock at the Door.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn�t listen.

Due to budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn�t come back? A stick.

Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he is black.

Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn�t come back.

I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Regards - Banana.

Yo mama's so short, she don't roll dice, she pushes them.

Why can't helen keller drive? because she's a woman

How do you make a dead baby float? One scoop dead baby, one scoop ice cream, add root beer.

Why am I single? Because I treat girls right.

It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

An argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

I am born a pessimist - My blood group is B Negative.

What's the difference between a liberal and a puppy? The puppy stops whining when it grows up.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

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Meaningful Books Quotes

'Books are our real friends. Reading books is really a very good habit which give us knowlegde and broadens our minds. Here are some very meaningful quotes about Books to understand the worth of them.'


This is an important book, the critic assumes, because it deals with war. This is an insignificant book because it deals with the feelings of women in a drawing-room.
- Virginia Woolf



If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, you must be the one to write it.
- Toni Morrison

I've always believed in writing without a collaborator, because where two people are writing the same book, each believes he gets all the worry and only half the royalties.
- Agatha Christie

The books that help you most are those which make you think that most. The hardest way of learning is that of easy reading; but a great book that comes from a great thinker is a ship of thought, deep freighted with truth and beauty.
- Pablo Neruda

A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.
- Charles Baudelaire



There is no friend as loyal as a book.
- Ernest Hemingway

I don't care what they do with my book so long as the flippin check clears.
- Chuck Palahniuk

Once I planned to write a book of poems entirely about the things in my pocket. But I found it would be too long; and the age of the great epics is past.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written.
- Oscar Wilde

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.
- Benjamin Franklin

The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life and one is as good as the other.
- Ernest Hemingway

Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.
- Maya Angelou

If I read a book that impresses me, I have to take myself firmly by the hand, before I mix with other people; otherwise they would think my mind rather queer.
- Anne Frank

The book salesman should be honored because he brings to our attention, as a rule, the very books we need most and neglect most.
- Confucius

There's so much more to a book than just the reading.
- Maurice Sendak

You cannot open a book without learning something.
- Confucius

Good children's literature appeals not only to the child in the adult, but to the adult in the child.
- Anonymous

When you sell a man a book, you don't sell him 12 ounces of paper and ink and glue - you sell him a whole new life.
- Christopher Morley

A book has got smell. A new book smells great. An old book smells even better. An old book smells like ancient Egypt.
- Ray Bradbury

Every book is a quotation; and every house is a quotation out of all forests, and mines, and stone quarries; and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beware of the person of one book.
- Thomas Aquinas

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.
- Saint Augustine

Another thing that freaks me out is time. Time is like a book. You have a beginning, a middle and an end. It's just a cycle.
- Mike Tyson

A bad book is as much of a labor to write as a good one, it comes as sincerely from the author's soul.
- Aldous Huxley

If I have not read a book before, it is, for all intents and purposes, new to me whether it was printed yesterday or three hundred years ago.
- William Hazlitt

I don't go by the rule book... I lead from the heart, not the head.
- Princess Diana

When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me.
- W. Somerset Maugham

There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

A book worth reading is worth buying.
- John Ruskin

When it comes to the point where you occasionally look forward to being in prison on the basis that you might be able to spend a day reading a book, the realization dawns that perhaps the situation has become a little more stressful than you would like.
- Julian Assange

There are lots more Inspirational Quotes to help you in making your life great.

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Clean Funny Jokes for Every Age Group

'Humor is like a magic stick which makes people laugh instantly. So if you have the desire to create fun into your circle then here are most hilarious, cute and funny jokes for you. You can share them with any age-group as they are clean and cute.'

I afraid of dying alone?
Become a bus driver.
___

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel!
___

How do you make a baby drink?
Stick it in the blender.
___

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn�t be enough to go around. � Christina Stead
___

Your money, or your life. We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does. - Mignon McLaughlin
___

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.

"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.

Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
___

A guy walked into a bar with his pet monkey and ordered a drink.

While he was drinking, the monkey jumped all around the place.

It grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them, then grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
It jumped onto the pool table, took one of the billiard balls, stuck it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender screamed at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy said, "No, what?"

"He just ate a billiard ball off my pool table... whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finished his drink, paid his bar bill and paid for the stuff the monkey ate and walked out.

Two weeks later he came into the bar again along with his monkey. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar as before.

While the man was finishing his drink, the monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his rear, then pulled it out and ate it. Then it found a peanut.. This, too, he stuck up his rear, pulled it out and ate it.

The bartender was disgusted "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asked. "No, what?" replied the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. The same with a peanut!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. " said the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
____

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
____

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge?
A: There are lipstick marks on your cucumbers.
____

Husband : Can I hug You ?
Wife : No !
Husband : I will gift you jewelry .
Wife : No !
Husband : I will buy you a new dress .
Wife : Still no .
Husband : I will take you to a long drive.
Wife : No No No .

After listening all this.. Their son woke up and said
Dad you can hug and kiss me, but just buy me a new laptop,Please

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Love Quotes

'Open the secret of your heart with these most demanded 'Love Quotes'. After sharing them, you are going to get Pampered by them. So choose what fits best into you love story and have the amazing time ever.'

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."
- Henny Youngman

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
- Mark Twain

"Your presence realize m that I am important."

"When the road gets dark - And you can no longer see - Just let my love throw a spark - And have a little faith in me."
~ John Hiatt

"For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams and being my best friend... For filling my life with joy and loving me without end... I do."
- Anonymous

"Panties are not the best thing; they are next to the best thing."

"So many times I thought I would never find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. Then you came into my life and showed me what true love really is!"
-Anonymous

"When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn�t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay."

"A lover is a man who tries to be more amiable than it is possible for him to be."

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."
- Erich Segal

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it�s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
- Sam Levenson

"It does not claim possession, but gives freedom."
- Rabindranath Tagore

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Entertaining Evan Esar Quotes

'Now, time to enjoy the very entertaining humor quotes of Evan Esar's (American humorist).'

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

A husband is like a fire--he goes out when unattended.

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a rich widow.

[Anger is] the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

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Most Hilarious Quotes about Love

'Love makes life beautiful but sometimes lots of humor happens in affairs. So here we are writing those most hilarious punches under funny love sayings.'



"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."
�Henny Youngman

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."

"If I Promise to miss you ... Will you go away?"

"Sometimes being brother is even better than being a super hero."

"It's funny how my girlfriend gives me the "Silent Treatment" and thinks it's a punishment."

"Go ahead, judge me but just remember to be prefect the rest of your life."



"Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only on of them knows about it."

"Never laugh at your wife choices, You are one of them"

"Love means never having to say anything because you both are looking at you i-phones."

"Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it."
- Les Dawson

"From Jan to Dec, Sun to Sat, Am to Pm..
My feelings for you have never changed..
You..
Are..
Always..
A HEADACHE to me!"

"Arguing with females is like getting arrested. Everything you say, can and will be used against you."

"Keep talking. I am diagnosing you."

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." - Woody Allen



"Yeah I ma weird but you have to love m as I am, not as you you would like me to be."

"Love is like a fart. IF you have to force it, it's probably sheet."

"I do not make mistakes, I just date them."

"Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it."
- Maurice Chevalier.

"Love is being stupid together."

"My head says: who cares" but then my heart whispers: "You do.. stupid"

"I just called to say 'I love you'. Wrong number."

"Come live in my heart, and pay no rent."
- Samuel Lover

"She says she can not live without love but I think food is more important."

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin Quote.

"True love is like a pillow..
You can hug it in trouble
You can cry on it in pain and you can embrace it in happy moments..
So when you need true love.. Spend some money and buy a pillow"

"I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name.'"
- Mik Binder

"The only dates i get are updates."

"Love is in the air... Try not to breathe."

"When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head."


Enough fun now, if it time of your beloved's special day, do send him some sweet birthday greetings.

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Family Holidays

"My Dad is Irish and my Mum is Iranian, which basically means we spent most of our family holidays in customs."

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Very Funny Drinking/Alcohol Quotes

'People drink alcohol to forget tensions and to have sound sleep but there is funny side of it too. Lets find it out with funny quotations and Excuses about drinking.'

"Lets get drunk and tell each others everything we're too afraid to say sober."

"I drink to forget I drink."
- Joe E. Lewis

"They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst." - Scottish Proverb


"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
- Drew Carrey



I go angry when people ask me "Do you drink?" Like of course, I drink, I have water every day and when I want to loosen up a bit I have a juice box.

"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. "
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober."
- William Butler Yeats

"An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor."
- Dr. Alvan L. Barach

"I know I should give up drinking; but I am not a quitter" - Anon


"Being half drunk is just another way of saying -your almost there."

"I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Wine is bottled poetry."
- R L Stevenson

"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar."

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."
- Clement Freud

"I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me."
- Brendan Behan

"Never cry over split milk. It could've been whiskey."
- Pappy from Maverick

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."
- F Scott Fitzgerald

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
- Anon

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
- George Burns

"Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink."
- Anon

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
- W C Fields

Stop Stop, you must read More Funny Quotes. Cheers...:)

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Advantage

"My haters only have one good advantage over me. They can kiss me somewhere I can not do myself."

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The advantage of love at first sight is that it delays a second sight.
- Natalie Clifford Barney

I was feeling a lot of confidence, so I wanted to take advantage of that and keep playing.
- Gabriela Sabatini

A computer does not substitute for judgment any more than a pencil substitutes for literacy. But writing without a pencil is no particular advantage.
- Robert McNamara

I often want to cry. That is the only advantage women have over men - at least they can cry.
- Jean Rhys

Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
- Thomas Jefferson

Celebrity is the advantage of being known to people who we don't know, and who don't know us.
- Nicolas de Chamfort

One advantage in keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of the changes which you constantly suffer.
- Franz Kafka

My background playing soccer gave me a natural advantage over many of the American-born players.
- Hakeem Olajuwon

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Conversation

I love those daring people who can keep a conversation going on, no matters how stupid or random. They just continue.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Dorothy Nevill

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.
- Robert C. Gallagher

The planned sit-down reception is an artificial forum where one is presented with a limited number of persons with whom he can hold a conversation.
- Jerzy Kosinski

I have a contract but it's not a commitment in the ordinary sense. It's our ongoing conversation.
- Diane Sawyer

A pas de deux is a dialogue of love. How can there be conversation if one partner is dumb?
- Rudolf Nureyev

Saying what we think gives a wider range of conversation than saying what we know.
- Cullen Hightower

I never knew any painter worthy of the name who paid the smallest attention to what a critic says, even in conversation.
- Robert Baldwin Ross

This is a time for a national conversation. A conversation about the document that binds us as a nation and a people. That document, of course, is the Constitution.
- Mike DeWine

Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
- Oscar Wilde

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
- Mark Twain

There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are intersecting monologues, that is all.
- Rebecca West

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Being a Player

'Wonder quotes/remarks about players, being a player and sports.'

"Our dear math, I know that you have too many X's but can you please stop being a player and choose one."

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages."
- William Shakespeare

"I received a shot and broke my tooth. Unfortunately, we Italians only eat pasta al dente."
- Roberto Baggio

"There are three types of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen, and those who wonder what happens."
- Tommy Lasorda

"People don't think I've got the brains to be that clever."
- David Beckham

"I'm like money, at the end of the day everybody quite likes me."
- Romario

"For a spring training drill, Yogi instructed his players to: "Pair off in threes"."
- Yogi Berra

"Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental."
- Doug Plank

"Although I wanted my players to work to win, I tried to convince them they had always won when they had done their best."
- John Wooden

"By the time the fool has learned the game, the players have dispersed."
- African Proverb

"No coach has ever won a game by what he knows; it's what his players know that counts."
- Paul Bryant

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5 Color Pen

"Me, my friends and my dad did that. So who else had that one 5 color pen and tried to push all the buttons at once."

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If Women Rule

"If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war� just couple of nations not talking with each other."

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Basics

"We've been working on the basics because, basically, we've been having trouble with the basics."

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Acquiring Capital

"I wish that dear Karl could have spent more time acquiring capital instead of merely writing about it."

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Altogether

"Love is not altogether a delirium, yet it has many points in common therewith."

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Think of myself

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments."

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Doctors and Masks

"After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room."

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Giving Advice

"The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about."

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Swimming and Figure

"I was just wondering If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?"

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Career in Sports

"I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee."

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Educational

"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."

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Making Someone Happy

"Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it."

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Extra Stair

"You know you're in love when you take the longer way to class even if it means going up two extra stair cases just to see his face."

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Walk back

"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."

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Rules

"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?"

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Reason for Drinking

"The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol."

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Full of Doubt

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

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Nothing to do

"The difference between ignorant and educated people is that the latter know more facts. But that has nothing to do with whether they are stupid or intelligent."

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As Confused as a Hungry Baby

When I look at some people's faces. They seems to be as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

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Donkey Fly

"You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!"

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Guys without Brains

"They always try to play with our minds. But that won't work with our club. We've got 20 guys without brains."

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Feel Sorry

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

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Today's Love Quote

'Enjoy our daily up-to-date latest today's love quotes and much more related to it.'

Love Quote

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
- Judy Garland

"Love is the history of a woman's life; it is an episode in a man's."
� Germaine De Stael

"Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they want is to be a man's last romance."
� Oscar Wilde

"The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds."
- The Indianapolis Star

"Love is space and time measured by the heart."
- Marcel Proust

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times."
- Rita Rudner

"I forget a lot of things because he takes up most of the space in my memory."

"Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they want is to be a man's last romance."
� Oscar Wilde

"By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth."
- Bible

"You are all that I have longed for you have made my dreams come true. There is no greater gift to have than being loved by you."

"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star."
- E.E. Cummings

"Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage."
� Ambrose Bierce

"Thank you for your sweet, sweet love You'll never truly know Just how happy that you make me And how much I love you so."

"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you."
- Colin Raye

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
- Elizabeth Browning

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching"
- Satchel Paige

"Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder... and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn."
- N.V. Plyter

"Every time I hear your voice, I hear another reason to keep you forever."
- Suzanne

"If a hug represented how much I loved you, I would hold you in my arms forever."

"A boy is a magical creature, you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can't get him out of your mind."

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
- Martin Luther King, Jr



"Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin."
- Anatole France

"Someone who truly loves you, sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle, but still wants you."



"Love is about respecting, compromising, trusting, and loving each other. If you don't have these 4 things in your relationship, let it go."

"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge."
- Thomas Carlyle

"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it."
- Frank A. Clark

"First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Can miles truly separate you from friends....If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?"
- Richard Bach

"Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object?"
- Confucius

"A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy."
- George Jean Nathan

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
- Judy Garland

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
- Franklin P. Jones

"Love is energy of life."
- Robert Browning

"So many times I thought I would never find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. Then you came into my life and showed me what true love really is!"

To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.
- Robert Brault

"In love there are two things: bodies and words."
- Joyce Carol Oates

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
- Robert Frost

"Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts."

"When I say, 'I love you', it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman."

"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does."

"Love waits for one thing, the right moment."
- Anna

"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
- Plato

"We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love."
- Mother Teresa

"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching."
- Satchel Paige

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts."
- Charles Dickens

"I am sick of women who love one. Women who hate one are much more interesting."
- Oscar Wilde

"All men, even the most surly are influenced by affection."
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

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Today's Funny Quote

'Enjoy our daily up-to-date today's funny quotes and much more related to humor.'

Funny Quote

"Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you."

"We've just marked our tenth wedding anniversary on the calendar and threw darts at it."
� Phyllis Diller

"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."
- Albert Einstein

"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk."
- Thomas Edison

"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."
- Ogden Nash

"Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way."

"There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network."
- Guy Almes

"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works."

"Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you."

"Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested."

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
� Rita Rudner

"The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a Democrat."
- Robert Frost

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
� James Holt McGavra

"The shortest distance between two points is always under construction."
- Cal Thomas

"Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood."
- Noelie Alite

"God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question."
� Anon

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
- Gloria Steinem

"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does."
- Groucho Marx

"Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way."

"It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them."
- Alfred A

"Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked."
- Kimberly Broyles

"I don�t mind if you sleep in class, but please do not snore, you are disrupting those who are sleeping."

"Excuse me, here's your nose. I found it in my business."

"It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it."

"I want to make out with the fat guy from 'The Hangover'. He's amazing. I like big, fat guys with beards that wear thick glasses."
- Kesha

"Part of the $10 million I spent on gambling, part on booze and part on women. The rest I spent foolishly."
- George Raft

"When it�s a question of money, everybody is of the same religion."
- Voltaire

"Just for this one night I will not think about you. I will have fun, and laugh again. And enjoy every minute. Tomorrow I will deal with the hangover."
- Anon

"Money won�t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem."
� Bill Vaughn

"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."
- Fletcher Knebel

"They say cheese gives you nightmares. Ridiculous! I�m not scared of cheese."
- Ross Noble

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
- Mitch Hedberg

"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children."
- J. Paul Getty

"One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued."
- Benjamin Franklin

"An ice cream seller was today found on the floor of his van covered in hundreds and thousands. Police said he topped himself."

"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
- Neva Faith Linn

When I was a kid, "I am going to tell your mom" was the ever scariest sentence for me.

"There are three ways of losing money: racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain."
- Lord Amherst

"I'm so poor I can't even pay attention."
- Ron Kittle

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
- Woody Allen

"Silence is golden but duck tape is silver."
- Anonymous

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."
- Steven Wright

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
- George Carlin

"I'm normal. It's everyone else that's weird."

"A committee is twelve men doing the work of one."

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Amount of alcohol

"I don't care how liberated this world becomes, a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume, and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not."

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