Hilarious Exercise Quotes

Regular exercise keeps you healthy but lazy people don't favor it. So they give lots of illogical but funny excuses to avoid that hard work. So here are hilarious exercise quotes to have lots of giggle together.

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
~ Robert M. Hutchins

I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers

Exercise is the yuppie version of bulimia.
~ Barbara Ehrenreich



I Exercise - run my mouth, push my luck, and jump to conclusions.

Why don't you Put some fun between your legs by exercising?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
- Marsha Doble

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don�t need it: if you are sick you should not take it.

I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
~ Neil Armstrong

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick you should not take it.
- Henry Ford

Does this shirt makes me look thin?

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
~ Phyllis Diller

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
- Mark Twain

Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.
- Cher

Exercise is done against one's wishes and maintained only because the alternative is worse.
~ George Sheehan

SKINNY PEOPLE TICK ME OFF!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
- SIOUXSIE Q

Exercise? More like extra fries.

It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs.

Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out.
- Norman Mailer

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Facetious Neighbors Sayings

'The facetious quotations about Neighbors to give you another chance of making fun of them.'



A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.
- Arthur Baer

Serivce may vary according to my mood and your attitude.

Love thy neighbour - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Hate your next-door neighbor, but don't forget to say grace.
- Barry McGuire

If you think your bundle of dirty clothes too heavy, try picking up your neighbor's.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
- Gilbert K Chesterton

Sweep first before your own door, before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors
- Swedish Proverb

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say.
- Cyril Connolly

We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbor.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.
- Billy Wilder

If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.
- Pietro Aretino

The dearest things in the world are our neighbor's eyes; they cost everybody more than anything else in housekeeping.
- Sydney Smith

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
- Franklin P. Jones

Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.
- Dave Barry

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

A bad neighbor is a misfortune, as much as a good one is a great blessing.
- Hesiod

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Funny Short One Liner Jokes/Quotes

'Sometimes one right line is good enough to break the ice. Here presenting those great short one liner funny jokes and quotes to let you have best time ever.'

What do you call a bunch of liberals in a basement? A whine cellar.

What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.
- Jimi Hendrix

You cannot play with me unless you blow me. I am Balloon!

I have a friend named Kay. We call him K for short.

Wanna hear a joke? women's rights.

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

I can handle pain until it hurts.

The shortest horror story: The last person on earth sat in a room. There was a knock at the Door.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn�t listen.

Due to budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn�t come back? A stick.

Why cant Stevie Wonder read? Because he is black.

Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn�t come back.

I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Regards - Banana.

Yo mama's so short, she don't roll dice, she pushes them.

Why can't helen keller drive? because she's a woman

How do you make a dead baby float? One scoop dead baby, one scoop ice cream, add root beer.

Why am I single? Because I treat girls right.

It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

An argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

I am born a pessimist - My blood group is B Negative.

What's the difference between a liberal and a puppy? The puppy stops whining when it grows up.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

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Meaningful Books Quotes

'Books are our real friends. Reading books is really a very good habit which give us knowlegde and broadens our minds. Here are some very meaningful quotes about Books to understand the worth of them.'


This is an important book, the critic assumes, because it deals with war. This is an insignificant book because it deals with the feelings of women in a drawing-room.
- Virginia Woolf



If there is a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, you must be the one to write it.
- Toni Morrison

I've always believed in writing without a collaborator, because where two people are writing the same book, each believes he gets all the worry and only half the royalties.
- Agatha Christie

The books that help you most are those which make you think that most. The hardest way of learning is that of easy reading; but a great book that comes from a great thinker is a ship of thought, deep freighted with truth and beauty.
- Pablo Neruda

A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.
- Charles Baudelaire



There is no friend as loyal as a book.
- Ernest Hemingway

I don't care what they do with my book so long as the flippin check clears.
- Chuck Palahniuk

Once I planned to write a book of poems entirely about the things in my pocket. But I found it would be too long; and the age of the great epics is past.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written.
- Oscar Wilde

He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.
- Benjamin Franklin

The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life and one is as good as the other.
- Ernest Hemingway

Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.
- Maya Angelou

If I read a book that impresses me, I have to take myself firmly by the hand, before I mix with other people; otherwise they would think my mind rather queer.
- Anne Frank

The book salesman should be honored because he brings to our attention, as a rule, the very books we need most and neglect most.
- Confucius

There's so much more to a book than just the reading.
- Maurice Sendak

You cannot open a book without learning something.
- Confucius

Good children's literature appeals not only to the child in the adult, but to the adult in the child.
- Anonymous

When you sell a man a book, you don't sell him 12 ounces of paper and ink and glue - you sell him a whole new life.
- Christopher Morley

A book has got smell. A new book smells great. An old book smells even better. An old book smells like ancient Egypt.
- Ray Bradbury

Every book is a quotation; and every house is a quotation out of all forests, and mines, and stone quarries; and every man is a quotation from all his ancestors.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beware of the person of one book.
- Thomas Aquinas

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.
- Saint Augustine

Another thing that freaks me out is time. Time is like a book. You have a beginning, a middle and an end. It's just a cycle.
- Mike Tyson

A bad book is as much of a labor to write as a good one, it comes as sincerely from the author's soul.
- Aldous Huxley

If I have not read a book before, it is, for all intents and purposes, new to me whether it was printed yesterday or three hundred years ago.
- William Hazlitt

I don't go by the rule book... I lead from the heart, not the head.
- Princess Diana

When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me.
- W. Somerset Maugham

There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

A book worth reading is worth buying.
- John Ruskin

When it comes to the point where you occasionally look forward to being in prison on the basis that you might be able to spend a day reading a book, the realization dawns that perhaps the situation has become a little more stressful than you would like.
- Julian Assange

There are lots more Inspirational Quotes to help you in making your life great.

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Clean Funny Jokes for Every Age Group

'Humor is like a magic stick which makes people laugh instantly. So if you have the desire to create fun into your circle then here are most hilarious, cute and funny jokes for you. You can share them with any age-group as they are clean and cute.'

I afraid of dying alone?
Become a bus driver.
___

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel!
___

How do you make a baby drink?
Stick it in the blender.
___

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn�t be enough to go around. � Christina Stead
___

Your money, or your life. We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does. - Mignon McLaughlin
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A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.

"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.

Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
___

A guy walked into a bar with his pet monkey and ordered a drink.

While he was drinking, the monkey jumped all around the place.

It grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them, then grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
It jumped onto the pool table, took one of the billiard balls, stuck it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender screamed at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy said, "No, what?"

"He just ate a billiard ball off my pool table... whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finished his drink, paid his bar bill and paid for the stuff the monkey ate and walked out.

Two weeks later he came into the bar again along with his monkey. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar as before.

While the man was finishing his drink, the monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his rear, then pulled it out and ate it. Then it found a peanut.. This, too, he stuck up his rear, pulled it out and ate it.

The bartender was disgusted "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asked. "No, what?" replied the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. The same with a peanut!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. " said the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
____

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
____

Q: How do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge?
A: There are lipstick marks on your cucumbers.
____

Husband : Can I hug You ?
Wife : No !
Husband : I will gift you jewelry .
Wife : No !
Husband : I will buy you a new dress .
Wife : Still no .
Husband : I will take you to a long drive.
Wife : No No No .

After listening all this.. Their son woke up and said
Dad you can hug and kiss me, but just buy me a new laptop,Please

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Love Quotes

'Open the secret of your heart with these most demanded 'Love Quotes'. After sharing them, you are going to get Pampered by them. So choose what fits best into you love story and have the amazing time ever.'

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."
- Henny Youngman

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
- Mark Twain

"Your presence realize m that I am important."

"When the road gets dark - And you can no longer see - Just let my love throw a spark - And have a little faith in me."
~ John Hiatt

"For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams and being my best friend... For filling my life with joy and loving me without end... I do."
- Anonymous

"Panties are not the best thing; they are next to the best thing."

"So many times I thought I would never find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. Then you came into my life and showed me what true love really is!"
-Anonymous

"When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.
When she doesn�t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay."

"A lover is a man who tries to be more amiable than it is possible for him to be."

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked."
- Erich Segal

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it�s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
- Sam Levenson

"It does not claim possession, but gives freedom."
- Rabindranath Tagore

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Entertaining Evan Esar Quotes

'Now, time to enjoy the very entertaining humor quotes of Evan Esar's (American humorist).'

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

A husband is like a fire--he goes out when unattended.

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a rich widow.

[Anger is] the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

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